Inibriantia

When Someone You Love Has Cancer

acupuncturegirl:

Excerpt:

Know What to Say

Before saying anything, first try to listen. Allow the patient to express his feelings, his fears and his needs. Allow him to be silent if he chooses not to talk about himself for the moment. One’s physical presence or availability may be enough to reassure a loved one or co-worker that he is not alone in his sufferings.

Knowing what to say is not immediately possible sometimes. But it is important not to be impulsive and forget about respecting the feelings of the cancer patient. Appropriate things to say that may be honest and helpful may be:

• “I’m not sure of what I should say, but I want you to know that I care.” – Often times this is the most appropriate thing to say which the afflicted person would surely understand
• “I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time.”
• “I heard what’s happening, and I’m sorry.”
• “How are you doing?” – Without being patronizing, ask about his present situation
• “If you would like to talk about it, I am here.” – Allow him to initiate conversation about his situation
• “Please let me know how I can help.” – Offer to help with chores or other small responsibilities like bringing kids to school
• “I’ll keep you in my thoughts/ prayers.” – Then send cards, e-mails and small reminders that he is being remembered

It is also important to know that:

• Good humor sometimes help relieves stress
• Not talking about cancer or illness all the time is alright, and other topics like work and current events can help them feel normal.
• Appropriate body language like smiling and hugging can give comfort more than words can sometimes.
• A family member or friend living with a cancer patient can become overwhelmed by emotions and responsibilities. In these instances cancer help through support groups, counselors and clergy members should be sought.

Know What Not to Say

The following are common mistakes among people who, although may be well-meaning, are often uncomfortable or awkward about starting conversations:

“I know how you feel” or “I know what you’re going through”

“I know someone who had the same cancer and…”

“You look pale” or “You lost a lot of weight”

“Everything’s going to be fine” or “You’re going to be better”

Finally, patients are entitled to mood swings although one does not have to take things personally or put up with disruptive or abusive behavior just because someone is ill. Respecting, affirming and supporting each other is important to take the walk with someone who has a greater burden.